I know you want your child/ren to thrive despite separation and divorce. Another thing you and your ex can do to help your child is agree to minimize the changes in your child’s life. If possible keep your child in the same home and school. Agree with your ex on the best routine for your child (not you or your ex’s best routine; the best routine for your child) and be consistent in both homes. Agree to the rules for homework, bedtime, behavior, chores, going out, etc. Younger children in particular need a normal daily routine.
If your child goes back and forth between homes make sure they have everything they need: things for school, clothing and special personal items. Does your child have a special blanket or toy they sleep with- make sure it goes with them and is returned.
Along with this, allow your child time to adjust to the separation and divorce before introducing them to a potential partner. You may not like this but giving your child at least a year (truthfully it probably takes several years) before a new adult is introduced into their lives really helps. Even after this period of allowing your child to adjust to the divorce, wait until you are in a serious committed relationship before introducing your child to your potential partner.
In some cases your ex will be unwilling to following these guidelines. You cannot change or control your ex-spouse’s behavior but you can change and control yourself. It takes two to tango. You can refuse to argue in front of your children or put them in the middle of disagreements. You can make the choice to do what is best for your children. Take responsibility for your own behavior. This will be hard at times, but it provides the best case for your child to survive even thrive through your divorce.
I recommend the book Helping Children Survive Divorce by Dr. Archibald D. Hart for more help in parenting your child through separation and divorce.
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