Listen to your Children

My next few blogs will address how to improve your communication with your child. Some of the wonderful benefits of good communication with your child:

• You will get to know and understand your child better, each child is unique
• You can improve your relationship with your child
• Through communication you can let your child know you love them
• You will learn from your child
• And you will be better able to comfort and help them with problems

 

Some of you may be familiar with the quote from the Bible that says, “…take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” (James 1:19). Did you notice the encouragement to be quick to listen comes first? I like the concept of listening BEFORE we speak!

 

What do you think it means to listen? I  believe it is more than just hearing the words- Webster’s online dictionary defines “listen:” to hear something with thoughtful attention: give consideration.”  This suggests focused attention on the person speaking to you. Listening requires attention, you are not listening if you are reading, on your Blackberry, cooking, or working at the same time. To listen to your child means stopping what you are doing, get on their level and give your child eye contact. I encourage you to listen to more than the words spoken. Make note of their tone of voice, body language, and the feelings being expressed. What is your child trying to communicate to you? Imagine the situation from your child’s perspective. At this point it is often natural to be formulating your response or figuring out the fastest way to get back to what you were doing, but that misses the point of connecting.  You’ll miss an opportunity to understand your child better, to deepen your relationship with them, to communicate to your child how much you value and love them.

 

When my children were young a wise woman gave me this bit of advice. She encouraged me to stop what I was doing and really listen; she said that the child will keep trying to get my attention until they get it. By stopping right away I could avoid frustration to myself and my child, and my child would know they are important and valued. What a simple way to get such priceless results! Go ahead and give it a try this week, risk stopping to really listen to your child!