Discipline: Follow Through and Staying Emotionally Connected

Once you have reasonable expectations for your child and have communicated your expectations to your child so they understand them and the consequences of their behavior you need to follow through.

It is so important that you be consistent. If you told your child they need to clean their room before going to play with a friend you need to follow through. It is your job as the parent to set the guidelines and it is your child’s job to resist and test those guidelines. This is when you need to calmly stand firm. You can say, “Feel free to play with Johnny when your room is clean.”

I know it’s impossible to be consistent all of the time. Yet the truth is the more consistent you are the easier life will be for both you and your child. It isn’t fair, but studies show that giving into a child every once in a while on a random basis is the best way to reinforce your child’s resistant behavior.

Notice I said to calmly stand firm. It is important to stay emotionally connected. There is no reason to yell or scream. Empathize with your child, you can say, “what a bummer, you chose not to clean your room so now you can’t play with Johnny, I hope next time you choose to clean your room.” or “I know how much you like to play with Johnny, it’s sad you can’t play today.” When your child does clean their room rejoice with them, when they do not let them know you still love and care for them.

The natural or reasonable consequences are what will train our children to make different choices next time. All children NEED to stay emotionally connected to their parents. They need to know they are loved and accepted regardless of their behavior! Yes, it is possible to get the behavior you want by becoming angry or withdrawing your love from your child, however this is not helping them to internalize self control. They will be acting out of fear, and when you are not around their behavior will not be what you want it to be.

Enough said on discipline, my next blog will move onto a new topic. Feel free to communicate with me if you have any questions or are running into problems implementing these discipline strategies.