Love and Limits- Read this Blog First

 

I started my blogs writing several on discipline. I had just given a talk on discipline so it was fresh and easy to write about. If I could start over I would post this blog first. Do me a favor and pretend this is my first blog!

 

I think parenting can be summed up in just four words: Unconditional Love & Reasonable Limits. All children need structure (limits) and nurture (love).  These two qualities are intricately intertwined. If you truly love your child you will set reasonable limits. To be effective reasonable limits need to be set in an atmosphere of love. Unconditional love and reasonable limits can’t exist without each other.

 

It seems to me that blogs, books and talks on parenting often emphasize the structure or limit setting aspect of parenting and de-emphasize the need for unconditional love. I prefer to emphasize the need for unconditional love as first importance. I believe unconditional love is what we all need, parents and children alike. To know you are loved unconditionally means you are loved regardless of how you look or dress, what your grades are, how you perform in your sport or music, what your behavior is, how well you clean your room or do your chore, what college accepts you, or if your interests are different than mine. To become emotionally mature adults our children need to KNOW they are loved!

 

I feel most parents really do love their children yet sometimes we struggle with communicating that in a way our children can receive. Perhaps in the stress of each day we emphasize the rules, limits, expectations and neglect to enjoy our child and let them know they are loved.

 

Over the next couple of days pay attention to your time with your child. How much of your time and communication is about tasks, getting up, dressed, teeth brushed, out the door, homework done… and how much energy and time goes into enjoying your child, getting to know them and communicating your love for them? Pay close attention to your interaction with your child and ask yourself, “Is there healthy balance, am I communicating my love to my child?” My next blog will give some practical ways to express your love with your child.