Unconditional Love

 

In my last blog I asked you to observe your interactions with your child for a few days. What do you think you are communicating to your child?  How do you think your child is receiving it? How much of your interaction with your child is spent getting to know your child and conveying your love vs. giving commands or directions?

 

Let’s look at some practical ways you can communicate your unconditional love for your child. 

 

Communicate on their level and provide positive eye contact. If you are still taller than your child I suggest you get down on their level and look into their eyes when you talk to them. Try to make sure you give “positive” eye contact- when you tell your child how much you love them, or talk to them about their day. Tell them specific things you like and appreciate about them, such as “I like the way you invited Sally to join the ball game, you are a good friend” or “you did your job with a great attitude!” Try to make sure your positive comments far out number your negative comments and that they are real! Often we use eye contact when we set limits with our child, try to balance that by also using eye contact during positive communication with your child.

 

Give meaningful touch often. All children (and adults) need meaningful touch. This will look differently at different ages. Obviously babies need lots of touch, they are held when they are fed or need to be comforted. With toddlers you can give lots of hugs and kisses, snuggle or have them sit on your lap while you read. Older children still need meaningful touch; you can sit next to them watching a movie, enjoy playful wrestling, place an arm around the shoulder, or offer a back rub before bed.

 

Have some fun! Enjoy the time you spend with your child! I suggest entering your child’s world whether it is the world of princesses and tea parties, building stuff, enjoying arts & crafts, playing ball, dancing, exploring nature or playing board games. Spend time doing what your child enjoys. Let your child KNOW that you enjoy being with them. (This means turning the TV off, putting down what you are reading and turning your Blackberry to silent).

 

Getting to know our child and loving them is the great part of parenting! Isn’t it what you dreamed of when you decided to have children? Yet too often it gets lost in the busyness of daily life. Enjoy these times! And an added bonus is when your child really feels loved by you their behavior will be MUCH easier to manage!

 

If you are a reader and would like more information on this topic, I suggest reading, How to Really Love Your Child by Ross Campbell MD and The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell MD.