Discipline: Realistic Expectations for Each Child

In my last blog I outlined the concept of discipline in 300 words. The goal was to keep it short and give you the big picture, but I left out some details. In my next couple of blogs I’ll go into more detail on the different principles of discipline.

The first guideline is: Make sure the behavior you expect is reasonable for the age and maturity of your child.

It would be nice if we could make a list of what is reasonable to expect from all children at a specific age- but each child is unique and matures at their own pace. As adults I think we error on the side of thinking the child is more mature than they are. We believe they understand exactly what we mean when we say, “clean your room,” or that they remember everything we asked them to do or not do.

Here are some very basic guidelines:

üAround 12 months old a child can begin to learn to respond to the word “no.”

üFrom ages one to three children can generally understand that obeying your “no” brings good things and ignoring your “no” brings discomfort (i.e. time out, removal of toy, etc.).

üAround ages three to five children can learn how to treat others kindly, do some basic household chores (picking up toys, putting away clean clothes- remember they are children and will not be able to complete the task as quickly or neatly as you, an adult!)  

üOnce children are in school they will have homework and want more time with friends. Select a time and place for homework that works for your child keeping in mind that young children generally need time to run and play after a long day of school.

Now when considering discipline, remember not to discipline when your children act child-like. They are children. If they spill their milk or break something by accident you can say something like, “uh-oh the milk spilled,” then show them how to clean it up. Even a three or four year old can get a towel and soak up a spill. You want to provide reasonable consequences (more on that next time) when your child willfully disobeys.

Since there are no universal guidelines on what to expect from each child, it may be helpful to talk about it with your spouse, friends, or child’s teacher. It’s important to make sure that your child is capable of doing what you are asking of them. We want to set our children up for success!